To My Fellow Austinites....

I only have one simple request of you, my fellow Austinites. If you must get into any kind of a car accident, can you please please please do it when I'm not a) On my way to work, or b) on my way home from work. That would really really make my life a lot easier.

You see, when you wreck into another vehicle in the morning, say, between the hours of 7am-8am (or even 8:30am on a bad day...) or anytime in the afternoon before 6pm, then it really puts a damper on my day.

So really, if you could just schedule these on weekends only. And maybe just on the south side of town, that would much appreciated.

Thanks.

My Scary Day

Today was one of the scariest days of my life. So far.

I got a call after a meeting this morning from my fiance. Actually, I got 6 calls and 2 emails. He never wants to talk to me that much, so I knew that something was really wrong. After a few semi-frantic calls and voicemails, he finally called me back. He was having a really bad panic attack. I've never had one and he hadn't either, but at first I didn't think much of it. He told me about how he was feeling, what happened, etc.. and sounded pretty scared. I've never ever heard nor seen him scared so I went home to check him out. Um, and not the "freak show" kind of check him out, just the "Oh God, I hope he's just being dramatic" kind of check him out. On the way home (yes, I talked on the phone while I was driving. The whole way.) I called my older brother, whom I think has had an anxiety attack and/or panic attack (same thing, or not?) and couldn't get an answer. I called my best friend, and she gave me some advice, I called my dad and he finally told me that if it's that bad to take him to a doctor or to the ER.

When I got home, I found him on the couch. He didn't look good. It was so awful to see him like that. It scared me because I've never seen him out of control. I convinced him to go to the hospital with me. We spent 4 hours in the ER. The whole time we were there he was going between sweating, numbness in face and hands, his heart was beating fast, etc..

I know that he loves me. I've never doubted that, but he's really not the affectionate type. Getting a hug is like pulling teeth. We don't hold hands that often, and he never initiates it. It's not bad, it's just him. I'm naturally an affectionate person. I grew up with lots of hugs and kisses and I'm used to it. I crave a really good hug, it's just me.

Anyone ever seen that Sex and the City episode where Big comes back into town for an angioplasty and Carrie comes to the hotel to be with him? For the first time ever he shows her that he needs her. He tells her basically that he wants to grow old with her. Then the next morning he's back to his old self again. Anyone?

So, this just reminded me of that episode. When we walked into the hospital, he took my hand and basically didn't let go for the next 3 hours. Even though I knew that he was going to be okay, it was so incredibly scary to see this guy that since day once I've thought of as this He-Man to be completely human and helpless. He's the guy that I rely on to ground me when I get to be the panicked crazy drama queen. I know what we have and I know how much he loves me, but we're so comfortable with each other we just don't show it sometimes, I guess. For those 3 hours in the hospital, I was his everything. I didn't let go of his hand, I got him blankets, he looked at me like I've rarely seen. I actually saw it. I know how scared he was, and even though I knew he was going to be fine, I know how scared I was.

He's going to be fine, and I know this. But the moment that I realized, for the first time ever, that he needed me, I'll never forget. It's the most amazing feeling.

News Alert: I'm Getting MARRIED. What????

Even though I've been engaged for 5 months now, and we have been living together for over a year, it's just hit me. I'm getting married. I'm getting married in 7 months. Oh My God. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic, but now I constantly have these weird dreams about the wedding. They're awful. A few weeks ago I dreamed that it was the day of the wedding, we show up at the reception, the caterer is there, but there's no food. The caterer then informs me that I forgot to book them and he's just there to tell me about it. What a guy. So I then have to go to the grocery store, but I changed out of my dress and into a tshirt and shorts, but with pantyhose on, and order sandwich trays. The girl at the counter doesn't believe that this is really happening to me so I prove it to her by showing her that I have pantyhose on. Apparently, that does it. So she is now trying to convince me to buy crab claws and wants me to try them first. So, I'm at the grocery store, and trying to crack open a crab claw (because she couldn't crack it for me for whatever reason) with these weird looking boiled shrimp all around me. I woke up in a panic and called the caterer the next morning. We are absolutely not having seafood at the wedding.

Then last night, I had this dream that I forgot to book the church. We show up, I realize my mistake, so they let us turn a normal Sunday mass into my wedding ceremony. All of these people stood up, gave me dirty looks, and left. Just walked out of church. I then realized what I was wearing. A dress, hideous and very different from the one that I've bought, and a big white straw sunhat. Yeah, I know. But this part kept repeating over and over, all with different outcomes. Another time, I forgot to book the church, but so did about 3 other girls, so we were all in our dresses and had this weird big ceremony on Sunday morning with people walking out and the priest scolding us and telling us that we should really be more prepared next time. Next time???

My dreams never make sense. This is getting ridiculous. We may just have to go to Vegas.